I'm just going to come right out and say it. Breastfeeding while pregnant sucks. It sucks a big one. Literally.
Maybe you saw this post and thought, oh, Julie's going to write about how much she loves breastfeeding again. And don't get me wrong. I do love breastfeeding. It's been one of the most amazing experiences of my life. But I do NOT love breastfeeding while pregnant. I just don't. All the praise hands to those of you who managed to do it. It just wasn't for me. I never envisioned myself breastfeeding a tiny baby AND a toddler. No thank you! And I am BEYOND THRILLED to report to you that as of this weekend Sadie is officially weaned at 15 months old. Yay! MY BOOBS ARE FREE!
Well...they are free for about another six months before I start the process all over again. Dang, I'm exhausted.
I breastfed Hudson for almost 16 months....which was amazing. And weaning him was a non-issue. I worked full time so he was used to taking a bottle of pumped milk. He preferred the boob, but he would take a bottle if offered to him. We slowly cut down on feedings and then just one night, he didn't ask to breastfeed, and I just rocked him. While I cried. But we were both ready, and it felt right.
Sadie, was a different story. I mentioned in the post about baby #3 that I had a panic attack over Sadie being so little still and me being pregnant again. Part of this was guilt. I felt a HUGE amount of guilt over things changing for Sadie before she was ready....mainly breastfeeding. Girlfriend LOVES HER SOME BOOBS and does not like to take a bottle. She pretty much would rather starve than have a bottle anywhere near her. She will drink out of a sippy cup during the day but during nap time and bed time she just wants mama.
The day I found out I was pregnant I noticed a big drop in my milk supply. I didn't have that normal let down feel when I was feeding Sadie, and she seemed to suck and suck but never be fully satisfied....know what I mean? Hence the panic attack. But, after about a week of painful nursing my milk seemed to re-adjust. Or maybe Sadie did. But things got better. They weren't back to normal, but breastfeeding was....tolerable. My midwife said my milk would taste different and Sadie would just wean herself. But after several weeks of some uncomfortable nursing sessions for me, Sadie showed zero signs of wanting to stop. But I knew my body just couldn't keep up with her. My boobs were sore, I was exhausted, and super nauseous. And oh my word, the amount of water I had to consume to take care of myself, the baby, AND breastfeeding was crazy town. So I knew we had to stop. Insert huge mommy guilt here.
We left Sadie with my mom for two nights while we took Hudson to Chicago for his birthday...and I had my fingers crossed that me being away at bedtime would finally help Sadie wean. Spoiler alert: it didn't. While away I tried pumping and got less than an ounce....so I knew she wasn't getting much milk. It was really just comfort she wanted. And that broke my heart. My mom warned me that bedtime had been a major struggle while we were gone. And sure enough, as soon we got home and Sadie saw me she stuck her hand down my shirt to find my boobs. And at bedtime she screamed "MAMA MAMA MAMA!" at me while I tried to rock her. So I gave in and gave her some boob. I'm not sure she got anything but it made her happy.
And I cried. I feel really guilty about it, but I was just ready to be done.
The next night it was more of the same. But over the weekend I put my foot down. I rocked Sadie to sleep while she clutched her kitty in one hand and and my left boob in the other. She cried and was mad for a few minutes, but to my surprise she finally gave in and just let me rock her. Same thing for her nap the next day, and bedtime the next night. We still have a bit of a battle at bedtime, but it's been a lot better than I thought it would be. And I'm SO happy to have a little bit of my body back!
Can I get an amen?
Can I get an amen?