The Mothering Never Ends

May 5, 2015

In my almost three years as a mom I've had to learn a lot. Learn how to mother. Learn how to love someone more than myself. Learn how to cope with my heart breaking and expanding at the same time. And the funny thing is I learned all of these things without even realizing it. Without even trying. The moment I became a mom it just clicked. There was no learning curve. No time to perfect my mothering. As soon as that baby came out of my body and was placed on my chest I was a mother. He was mine. I was his. And I would give anything, do anything, be anything for that sweet baby.

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I've struggled during my motherhood journey with letting go. With each milestone Hudson reaches it felt like he was growing away from me. Each wobbly step he took as an 11 month old was another step away from me. Each new word he learns brings more independence and more confidence in himself. And it breaks my heart a little bit each time. It's strange to feel both joy and heartbreak at the same time. I want my son to grow up and discover who God made him to be, but at the same time want to carry him around on my hip forever. 

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Babies don't keep. It's heartbreaking how quickly they grow up. That fuzzy head I used to kiss is now covered in beautiful golden hair. Those tiny feet I felt kicking in my belly now can run faster than me. And I tear up thinking that those chubby little hands that I love to hold will one day be bigger than mine. That instead of looking down to see a sweet boy clinging to my leg one day I will have to look up to him. And maybe one day he won't ask me to carry him around or kiss his boo-boos. He won't need me to fill up his milk cup, read just one more book, or put on his shoes. One day he might not need me at all. And my heart is breaking at the thought of it.  

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But these past few weeks as I prepare for baby #2's arrival my own mother has helped me see that the mothering never ends. My mom, who listens to every word I say, gets riled up when I'm riled up, upset when I'm upset, celebrates with me when I am happy, who drops what she's doing at a moment's notice to help me out has shown me that no matter how old you get, you will always need your mother. I needed my mom the day I became a mom myself. I needed her to tell me I was doing it right. I needed her the night Hudson first got sick and I didn't know what to do. I needed her to be my personal shopper when my pregnant body couldn't make it to the store to pick out the dress in these photos. I needed her to push my two year old around the neighborhood when I was exhausted. I need her for a hundred million little things....and it brings me comfort. I hope Hudson needs me too. I hope one day when he becomes a dad he gets a little glimpse into how much I love him....and how much he will always need me. 



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23 Comments »

23 Responses to “The Mothering Never Ends”

  1. Thank you for this! It is something I have been really struggling with A LOT lately as my baby girl gets ready to turn one! I really needed to read this!

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  2. Oh gosh girl, this post made me cry! I know exactly what you mean, and I try not to think about it too much :) I love the way my daughter is always asking for me, or tugging on my hand when she wants to go somewhere. Great post!

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  3. Ahh, pull at my heart strings, why don't ya. I can only hope I can be that mom for my girls when they're grown. Loved this post, girl!!!

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  4. My mom and I were just talking about this with Mother's Day coming up. She said I'm the only one who's actively mothering. I said that's not true, she is still a huge part of my life and helping me in ways only a mother can. Being a mother never ends!

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  5. What a sweet post, lady! <3

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  6. ...and now I'm crying at work! Thank you for this post. It's so true about how fast they grow up and you're right: soon our sweet boys will be dads themselves and I know we'll look back and wonder where it all went -- and miss wiping those grubby handprints off our stainless steel appliances. :)

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  7. I, too, am now crying at work :)
    Beautifully said! Happy early Mother's Day!

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  8. Thank you! I really needed this today! :)

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  9. As usual - on point, friend! I feel the same way and had the same thoughts as I watched our son sleep last night...he looked like such a big boy. Tears all around.

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  10. awww what a sweet sweet post! I love the relationship you and your mom have. It just sounds so very special! I am sure you and your kiddos will grow into something different yet similar :)

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  11. So sweet, so true. There is nothing like your mom helping you when needed!

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  12. This is so sweet and so true. I think I have had all of these same thoughts about my little guy growing up and one day being bigger than me. It's crazy to think how much [and how quickly] they grow and learn. You are a wonderful mama, and I'm sure Hudson will also come to you and recognize how blessed he is to have you as his mommy.

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  13. i never appreciated my parents until i became a parent. not at all!

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  14. What a beautiful post. I have moments when I feel like the milestone celebrations are accompanied by the grief that my babies are growing.

    I never fully appreciated my mom until I became a mother myself... and now I "need" her in a different way.

    Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.

    Thanks for sharing.
    xoxo

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  15. I lost my mom before we brought Ellie home and there have been so many times I have wished for her guidance. It's true we do need our moms and I hope Ellie will always want me too, my other prayer is that I will get to be there for her since I know how hard it is to navigate on your own...MILs just aren't the same!

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  16. Bawling my eyes out right now. Julie, you put into words - so beautifully - how every mother feels while watching their babies grow. I can't believe that my little Caleb is getting ready to turn 2. Where does the time go? I read a poem not too long ago that talked about how babies don't keep, and how one day you'll pick up your baby for the very last time...I really hope that that milestone is a long way away for me and my little man. Having Vivian has made it even more obvious just how fast these sweet little baby years go. Heart breaking.

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  17. It is hard being a mother. Everyday Sophie grows I miss her the day before even more. I watch the videos when she first started crawling, or when she first started walking, or talking. I don’t think any of us realize how much how parents did for us until we, ourselves become the parent. Sophie's only 16 months now, but it seems just like yesterday we were taking her home...how can that be?

    By the way what do you use to overlay on your pictures?

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  18. This is wonderful, Julie! My mom always used to tell us when we were growing up, "a mother's job is never done." And I catch myself saying that all the time. It's so true. It's the greatest blessing. And you my dear are an awesome mom! Sounds like you learned from a really good one, too. ;)

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  19. Oh goodness, this post made me cry! I think about this all. the. time. Sometimes I just stare at Mason and look at the little boy he has become. He's not a baby anymore! And it makes me SO happy to see the little boy he has grown into and SO sad at the same time! It's crazy how these little people can evoke so much emotion. This morning when I dropped him off at school, he gave me this HUGE kiss on the lips, smiled, and walked into his classroom. It made me so happy and so sad at once. While he might not kiss me on the lips every time he sees me forever, I hope he knows how much I love him and he always gives me a hug and a kiss and tells me too.

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  20. I love this :) so beautiful and so true. I can only hope that Scarlett will always need me as her mama. Thanks for sharing your heart, Julie! XO

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  21. Beautiful post. Tears. Couldn't have said it better. Thank you.

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  22. Love this sweet post. It's true, and from what my mom and my MIL tell me, you never stop mothering and your children never stop needing you.

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  23. Love this! I never appreciated my parents fully until I became a parent. I totally understand now... the parenting never ends, you are mother forever!!

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