Someday He Won't Miss Me

March 3, 2015

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Lately Hudson has been waking up in the middle of the night crying for mommy. We think it has something to do with me being gone for a few days last weekend. He's not waking up scared, or wet, or anything....and we've finally figured out what it is: He' misses mommy. 

Cue the tears. And the mommy guilt.

Yesterday morning I was throwing a pity party for myself. I was holding my sweet boy as he drank his morning smoothie and watched cartoons before school... and I was just feeling worn out and tired. My husband asked me what was wrong and I told him how tired I was. How I didn't sleep the night before because I was up again with Hudson. Without missing a beat my husband said 

"Someday he won't miss you." 

And it was like a total slap in the face. He was right. Someday my sweet boy won't miss me. He won't cry for me. He won't need me to snuggle him in the middle of the night. And my heart just broke right then and there.

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I've been up with this sweet boy more nights than I can count in his two and a half years. But was that wasted time?

No.

Someday when I'm old and gray, maybe then I'll sleep. Or maybe I'll still wake up in the middle of the night and long for the days where I got to snuggle my two year old boy. I don't think I'll look back on these days and remember how tired I was. I think I'll look back and remember how good I had it. How, just for a while, he was all mine. 

Being a mom is learning to balance the joy of watching your child grow up with the heartache of knowing each step they take takes them further away from you.

My heart is expanding and breaking at the same time.

So tonight if I'm up again, I'm going to find joy in each moment. Because my sweet baby won't be a baby forever. 



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39 Comments »

39 Responses to “Someday He Won't Miss Me”

  1. Amen sister! I am up in the middle of the night with my 2 year old little lady more than I sometimes like! I am also a working mama so I understand the guilt part all too well also. I feel like this post could have come from my brain because everything you wrote had me shaking my head YES! :)

    Love your blog, have a great day! And thanks for this post!

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  2. SUCH a true post, mama! We have been going through this the last couple of nights as well (I swear it's something in the water), and I have been giving myself pity party after pity party. But then I think of EVERYTHING you just said - and it's all worth it! Glad we can all do this together! XO

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  3. Ahhhh that is so sweet. Makes me wanna cry!!! I gotta admit I've been irritated because Caroline has been getting up a lot more lately but I just need to remind myself that this is all temporary.

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  4. This is such a great reminder! I'm up in the night with my daughter some nights too, and I try and take in everything about her cute little sleeping face when I'm rocking her. I may be tired, but this won't last forever :)

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  5. pretty sure he can just smell pregnancy and that his reign as an only kid is coming to an end! i find myself missing lex a billion times more now that shes not an only child. the mommy guilt train never stops.

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  6. What a sweet post and so true. I'm not a mom but can feel everything you mention. <3 to you lady!

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  7. ...and now I'm crying at my desk at work! So hard to remember this in the moment, thanks for slapping me in the face with it!

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  8. I needed this today... Nice post!

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  9. I'm on my third babe and my littles aren't great sleepers. Sometimes I just wait for her to wake up. Our four year comes in our room every night and every night my husband says how much he loves it. I hate how fast time passes and I hope I can enjoy most moments whether my kids are 9 months or 19.

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  10. This is so true!! We were talking about this yesterday...I look back at the night time feedings with Cam before he slept through the night and I LOVED them...even at the time. Sure, I get a little frustrated sometimes when he wakes up now, but I secretly love it still. I love when he asks to sleep on the couch with me...I don't get much sleeping in, but I get to watch him (creepy mom alert) and be there when he wakes up. I love that you posted this...it's such a great reminder to live in the now and enjoy it instead of wishing it away for something "easier."

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  11. Oh my gosh! ALL THE TEARS! This couldn't be more true. It's sometimes hard to not lose sight of the big pictures - when the tiredness sets in and it's ALL you can do to keep your eyes open, but you're right - it isn't going to last forever and we have to cherish every moment!

    Breanna
    www.morethanloveblog.com

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  12. Can I tell you how much I need this? Every. single. day. I wake up with our 14 month old 4-5 times a night and I just want to scream and cry all at the same time. It's so hard and this reminder made me realize he's getting older and I will never, ever regain these days. Thank you for this!

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  13. I'm not gonna lie, this made me tear up. I have an 18 month old who is about to become a big sister and I just want her to be a little more independent. This post was a good reminder that I should cherish all the little moments no matter how tired I am while it's still just the two of us. Thanks!

    Lilgeorgiapeach.blogspot.com

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  14. Awe this is so true but the love that you share with him is so amazing, it really shows through even on the blog! If only time could slow down!

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  15. Oh, Julie, Julie. It's like you wrote this post just for me. My heart SO needed to see this today. I needed a reminder of how precious this time is. As you know from my post today, our last couple of days have been rough, and I have definitely been guilty of wishing the days away because I just feel so frazzled and worn out, and feeling like I have nothing left to give...And yet. I see those words "Someday he won't need you", and it reminds me that I do have enough. That what I have to give is enough. That as Caleb's mom, I am enough. And that makes it all worth it. You are SO right - we can sleep when we are old and grey. These boys won't need us forever. And they won't want us forever either. So I am going to cherish the tiny, grubby little hands that are always reaching for me. And snuggle the snotty little nose that is constantly rubbing on my clean clothes. And try to soak in every moment before it's gone. Tears.

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  16. This made me teary. Beautiful, touching, and such an important reminder.

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  17. This made me teary. Beautiful, touching, and such an important reminder.

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  18. As a fellow boy mom, this made me bawl my eyes out. Thank you so much for this precious reminder.

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  19. As a fellow boy mom, this made me bawl my eyes out. Thank you so much for this precious reminder.

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  20. As a fellow boy mom, this made me bawl my eyes out. Thank you so much for this precious reminder.

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  21. Great perspective Julie! We've been dealing with some mid night wakings this week too and now I will be a liitle more appreciative :)

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  22. Such a great reminder! We always seem to forget that when we're tired, cranky, and have been up
    all night.

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  23. So sweet! Love this post, friend!

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  24. I don't think you could've written this any better. You're spot on and I understand the struggle. I agree though when we look back, we won't remember how tired we were but how sweet those moments were. Thank you. I needed this post especially after my overtired son just cried on and off for 45 min :0/. The days are long but the years are short. I keep telling myself that!

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  25. I can completely relate to this right now! Liam will have nothing to do with his daddy at night. And while it's exhausting, I know that I will miss this. :-)

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  26. I needed to read this today. I am tired. My hair is a mess. My makeup looks like crap. All because of that sweet little six month old who still does not sleep through the night. It won't be like this for long and I know one day I am so going to miss all of it.

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  27. Crying at work now.....everything you said and what papa said is so true.Just remember how much that sweet little boy loves you right now. He knows how special you are!

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  28. Julie this speaks right to my heart! I get so emotional thinking about the days when O is grown and gone with a full life of his own. My heart just breaks!

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  29. You know, I was just thinking about this the other day. How Mason had been so good and not waking up in the middle of the night and how I was so thankful to be able to sleep. BUT then I realized, maybe he doesn't need me and it made me incredibly sad. And then, on Sunday night, he cried out for me in the middle of the night, I went in, cuddled him for literally 2 minutes and he fell right back to sleep. And in that moment, it made me feel so happy even though I knew I would be tired in the morning because of it.

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  30. Truer words haven't been spoken!! Oh my now I won't get so annoyed if Ellie wakes up tonight!

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  31. Why are husbands so smart like that? Usually when you're not expecting to hear it either? Such a sweet post. It really is so hard as a mom. we need to be people too but these moments will pass so fast.

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  32. such a sweet post. loved every word. teary eyed and ready to soak up every moment with my boy tomorrow. thanks julie.

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  33. Great post! Carter did the same thing when I was pregnant with his sister, plus lots of crying at drop off at the babysitter's too when there wasn't any before. :( made me feel awful but I'm still grateful for the extra hugs and snuggles!

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  34. Big gulp! I'm rocking my baby boy to sleep now.... Well he's asleep I'm just making sure he's good & asleep buuut... Was just listening to how he breathes & every little thing. I catch myself trying to make mental image notes already bc he's changing so much! Ugh... WHY do they have to grow so quickly!?

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  35. Oh geez. Now I'm bawling. Why can't we keep them little forever?

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  36. Cue the tears!!! Aww, Julie, this was so sweet. That is so something my husband would say, too. Lol. As tired and crazy these little ones make us, there is no other job I would rather have. I do hope you get some rest though. Rest is good. ;)

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  37. Oh Julie, this is a beautiful post and SO true. Lately Scarlett has been wanting me to hold her to fall asleep every night and waking in the night doing the same thing. Not upset, just wanting mommy. I layed in her bed with her the other night and as she drifted to sleep I thought these exact same thoughts you wrote here. We will miss these moments one day :) xo

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  38. Oh Julie, this is a beautiful post and SO true. Lately Scarlett has been wanting me to hold her to fall asleep every night and waking in the night doing the same thing. Not upset, just wanting mommy. I layed in her bed with her the other night and as she drifted to sleep I thought these exact same thoughts you wrote here. We will miss these moments one day :) xo

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  39. Whenever I have a crappy mom moment, I always tell myself that someday, in the not too distant future, my life will be quiet and stress-free. I know I'll be wishing back the noise, the chaos, the mess, and the cuddles!

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